Infertility & IVF — In the Thick of It
by Rachel Price
After losing our pregnancy in the first trimester I heard a lot of “now I get why people don’t share that they’re pregnant until after the first trimester.”
The first trimester is isolating and lonely. We’re told by doctors, the media, movies, etc. that we shouldn’t share our pregnancy news until we’re out of the woods (~12 weeks). But by keeping the secret, we are missing out on a ton of support. And IF that pregnancy doesn’t end up being viable and you have a miscarriage, isn’t that support needed even more than ever?
Sharing news and details around your pregnancy is and should be YOUR choice. But I’d like to change the narrative here. We shouldn’t feel forced to keep the news to ourselves. We shouldn’t feel any shame in telling people that we are pregnant before we hit the 12 week mark. There should be no guilt associated with it. There is no evidence that sharing the news “early” could impact the viability of the pregnancy.
When I found out last week that I was having a miscarriage at 7.5 weeks and that I’d need a D&C, I could feel, almost immediately, the cushion of support provided by my family and friends who were aware that we were pregnant. If I had to call everyone and share the news for the first time that we were pregnant and that we had lost that pregnancy, it would have been so much more difficult. Sharing our good news did NOT cause my miscarriage. We could have gone on to have a healthy pregnancy and no one would ever have made a comment or think twice that we told them “too early.” By telling people I love, it helped me heal more quickly.
Infertility is still such a taboo topic and we need to squash that because it is so common. So many brave women in my life on my news feeds have shared what they’ve gone through to start their families, and it always makes me feel less alone. But the majority of those people share the stories when they are on the other side — usually later in their pregnancies or when they have a healthy baby.
I thought I’d change it up a bit and share an update in the middle of my infertility story. During the lowest of lows. I know we will have a happy ending, whenever that may be, but for now we’re in the thick of it. Just one week ago we thought we finally did it. I was pregnant. IVF worked. Our baby had a heartbeat. Unfortunately that pregnancy was just not meant to be. As much as it sucks, it does not hurt me more to share it. If anything it helps because this is my reality and I know others will feel comfort in knowing they’re not alone.
